The choice

finally decided to give up liking mei qi le . its been almost 1 year 5 months . haha finally realise my folly . and since i am sure she will never come her , i shall write out everything on my chest . when u read this , bear in mind the meaning , that true love exist , when you have it in your hands , hold it tight and never let it go .

everyday i see her in school , i wonder how she is feeling , wondering whether the smile on her face will remain . it hardly does .

everytime i try to speak with her , i become afraid and happy . enthuasitism overcomes shyness . everyword i say infront of her , goes through alot of thought , hoping what ever i sae will leave an impression on her . it never happens thou .

everytime i sms her , i have too much to sae , but due to the sms size restrain , i can only say so much . her replies are S.C.S , short cold and simple . on good days , she gives a lukewarm response , others , a considerate response . usually , no response . i don blame her , why would she want to converse with the guy who is guilty of hurting her . i thank her for being kind and considerate to reply my messages thou .

now she likes someone else . i wonder if that guy is lucky or not . having such a gal as mei qi liking him , good for him . bad luck is , he probably will never know of this little admiration from a soul nearby . i riddiculasly used to think the guy was me. now i feel like a idiot . it will never be mi . i am vulgar , noisy , rude , always putting people down ( sorry lim and thanks for telling mi and scolding me ) . so what if i can make people feel better . i make more people feel worst .

i haven realised truly my folly , as much as i wish to continue showering my concern and care on her , my feelings are wasted on a determined one . she is determined , in this aspect . if onli these determination would infect other ares of her life .

if i continue to think and expect her to like me again , then i am no better then shandi . thy shall not explain further . all i have been doing , it counting my chicks before they hatch . stupidly thinking things will go back to the sec 2 days . pure stupidity . people have asked mi to go after other gals , i will , when i feel there is someone special enough that she can replaced mei qi . there could be someone , out there , maybe even beside me . that person may even be a boy . hehe .

all i have been doing these few months , is a star . i have been like a star , watching mei qi from a far , occasiaonally she gazes at stars , but she will never know and attempt to reach for that stars , bother to realise the stars worry bout her , are concern about her . after all , stars are akin to dead matter , just like me , alive in body and spirit , now death in passion and soul .

by writing this , i feel like yishuen , trying to gain support from people , attention seeking as we call it . BUT , i am not seeking attention , just saying out all the pains and suffering of liking mei qi . pain and suffering , that i have brought upon my self - willingly , stupidly , lovingly , sanely .

LETS ALL STUDY HARD FOR OUR O LEVELS . AND GO TO MJC TOGETHER .